I was trying to figure out whether I should cry, or what would be an
appropriate outward expression of feelings that I “should” feel in that
situation. I was trying to think about how everyone else was thinking
I should feel. I had previously felt sort of guilty, like this was
something I didn’t deserve to be doing, because I wasn’t yet “devoted
enough” to be baptized. I just didn’t know what to feel exactly, but
it was intense.

Then, about halfway through the baptism right before me, I thought that
I needed to make sure I was right with God before I go into this. So I
started praying. I do wish I had spent more time worrying about God,
and less time worrying about what other people would be thinking…But
hindsight is 20/20.

Then, as I walked up front, towards my pastor, (who was looking a lot
like Huckleberry Marcelle, but somehow maintained a sense of wisdom), I
just zoned out, and got in the water because I knew that I had to.

Then, when the water was dumped on me, I didn’t feel guilty, or
insignificant, or bad or sad at all. I felt joyous. I sat there and
thanked God for the opportunity to do this and to feel this joy, and
this closeness to Him. It didn’t make me want to cry, it didn’t make
me want to do anything outwardly. It felt completely satisfying — it
felt like there was nothing but God, and I in Him — And I wanted the
moment to last longer.

I was focused, and I was completely submissive. It was the deepest
prayer I’ve yet achieved.

And afterwards, I feel like the baptism was what it was. I publicly
stated my desire to follow Christ. I feel a stronger sense of
brother/sisterhood with my fellow Christians. I feel like I have more
accountability to my community and to God. I feel like it was a step
in Christian maturity.”